Lesson 3: Masturbation - Da Good, Da Bad, and Da Ooogly

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 Good Day, Students! 


Welcome to Sex-Ed class 😊. Our Third lesson will cover: 

Masturbation - Da Good, Da Bad, and Da Ooogly


What is Masturbation?

Well, some people may say it's wanking off, beating your meat, petting the kitty, two-finger tango, tickling your peach, stroking the wood, wax-on wax-off, flogging the bishop, choking the chicken, fisting your mister, five knuckle shuffle, or simply touching yourself (MANTALITY, 2010). 

But to break it down further, masturbation is the art of self-pleasure. We explore, touch, and rub different parts of our body (such as our penis, vagina, breasts/nipples, clitoris, or anus) to instinctually achieve an orgasm (SHVIC, 2024). So Yes, this is a completely natural, and healthy thing for Adults and Teenagers a like. Also, masturbation can be explored with your hands, sex toys, pillows, and multiple different items that can "scratch that itch" (Advocate Health, 2024, Cleveland Clinic, 2022).

Please Note: There are unofficial rules you should keep in mind with objects: 
  1. If you can't sanitize it DON'T USE IT.
  2. If it doesn't have a fleered base DON'T PUT IT UP YOUR ASS. It can get lost up there and pooping it out is a negative. 
  3. If it hurts DON'T CONTINUE.
  4. If you experience bleeding, a rash forming, or excessive itching, GO TO A DOCTOR!


"Da Good" Sides to Masturbation 

Besides the thrill, excitement, and hormonal rewards of performing the act. Masturbation has several mental, emotional, and physical benefits for those who practice it. All of those will be listed in the table below:

Mental/Emotional

Health/Physical

Reduces stress and releases sexual tension.

Helps you sleep better!

Improves your self-esteem and body image.


It can help treat common sexual dysfunctions like premature ejaculation and absentee orgasms.  

Boosts your mood and increases your overall focus.

Relieves menstrual cramps and muscle tension.

Enhances your sex life.

strengthens muscle tone in your pelvic and anal areas.

Increases sexual desire (libido).

Prevents the risk of contracted STIs.

Helps you to understand your wants and desires by self-exploration.

For women, this can help with vaginal dryness and pain during intersex.

Can help you with Sexuality discovery.

Releases hormones called endorphins, which cause feelings of physical and mental well-being.


- (Cleveland Clinic, 2022; Planned Parenthood, 2024, & SHVIC, 2024)


"Da Bad" Sides to Masturbation 

Truth be told, there aren't many bad sides to Masturbation, except for the decreased sensitivity, potential minor physical harm, and Myths (Cleveland Clinic, 2022)! Myths can be created for a variety of reasons. Besides ancient folklore of warriors, monsters, and prophecies, Myths are created out of ignorance or to protect the interests/"well-being" of others.

In this case, Myths surrounding masturbation were created to prevent individuals from participating in it and to create shame around it. Mainly due to conservatism, religious beliefs, and the massive purity culture that exists. Locally, it is associated with being a 'Sin' because it implies that one must lust to perform the act, and lust is seen as a deadly 'Sin'. Although there is a religious implication, lust is natural. 

Lust is defined as a strong/powerful desire for something or someone (Cambridge Dictionary, 2024). This means you can lust for food, lust for a vacation, lust for a better job, lust for self-growth, lust for your spouse, or lust for a new life! So honestly, lust is a part of our everyday lives and probably practiced by the majority of us. 

Below is a table of some of the common Myths about Masturbation: 

Health Myths

“Religious Myths” - subjective

Vision Loss/ Blindness

You will be condemned to Hell.

Decreased sperm count.

Erectile dysfunction.

Lowered libido.

God will punish you.

Infertility,

A demon will possess you.

Shrinking or curving penis.

Your prayers will not be answered.

Stunted Growth and Hairy Palms.

You will lose your way on your spirit journey with God.

Mental Health Issues.

Strong Sexual perversions.

Contract an STI.

You become self-serving and selfish in the eyes of God.

- (Advocate Health, 2024; Cleveland Clinic, 2022, & SHVIC, 2024)


"Da Ooogly" Sides to Masturbation

I understand that this view is very subjective, however, it brings about a much-needed discussion on why Myths of Masturbation exist, the sexual shame surrounding masturbation, and the barriers that formed because this is not normalized. 

As previously mentioned masturbation is a natural and beneficial habit that humans have. Within our culture (Bahamian Culture), we do not have an open line of communication on topics like this, and due to traditionally conservative views, we demonize this practice. By doing so, we make it very conflicting and confusing for young people to explore themselves, and as a result, we have Mature individuals who: 
  1. Never found out how their bodies work for themselves. 
  2. Have developed body dysmorphia (ex: never looked at their own genitals, finding their own genitals disgusting, nit-picking your own body parts, or finding other parts of their body distasteful).
  3. Neglect sexual health.
  4. Feel shame about having sexual desire.
We also created a "Closeted Society", where all of this is "okay" once you don't talk about it, or "appear" to be promiscuous. When these arbitrary societal rules are not followed, then you are labeled as perverted or "Fast and Nasty". 


Conclusion

We are all humans with varying issues, but similar bodily functions. Masturbation is meant to be a way to provide YOURSELF self-love as well as release. 

To all my students, please take care of yourself first, and that includes your sexual health. As we teach, mentor, and nurture each other let us learn to be kinder to one another. 

We can not judge those for what we already do and we should not judge those for the things we do not have the strength or bravery to actually do. So go ahead and diddle your skittle, click that mouse, clean that bean, hold your sausage hostage, jibber that jab, and fuck yourself good (MANTALITY, 2010)!


Happy Learning and Happy Foreplay ;)
- Mrs. Tease 





References 

Advocate Health. (2024, May 24). Is It Normal to Masturbate? (for Teens) - Advocate Aurora Health. Kidshealth.org. https://kidshealth.org/Advocate/en/teens/normal.html

Cambridge Dictionary. (2024, May 25). lust. Dictionary.cambridge.org. https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/lust

Cleveland Clinic. (2022, October 25). Masturbation: Facts & Benefits. Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/24332-masturbation

Freepik. (2023). Freepik - Free Graphic resources for everyone. Freepik. https://www.freepik.com/

MANTALITY. (2010, May 5). 500+ Masturbating Euphemisms. Https://Www.mantality.co.za/Blog/Wanking-Euphemism.html.


SHVIC. (2024, May 24). What is Masturbation? | Information & Support. Sexual Health Victoria. https://shvic.org.au/for-you/reproductive-and-sexual-health/masturbation
The Bahamas

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