Lesson 5: Closeted & Coming Out

Good Day, Students! 

Happy PRIDE Month 🌈

Welcome to Sex-Ed class 😊. Our Fifth lesson will cover:

Being Closeted and Coming Out! 

What does it mean to be 'Closeted'? 

Well, it means to conceal a part of your gender identity,  and (or) sexuality. Someone may choose to be in the closet for a variety of reasons. Some of the most common reasons are:

1. To protect themselves (and sometimes their partner(s) too) from physical harm, death, or discrimination. 
2. They are exploring themselves, and haven't come to a decision on what their gender identity and (or) sexuality might be. 
3. They don't believe in labels. 
4. They do not have access to a supportive & accepting community around them.

Loud and clear for the students in the back of my class, There is no shame in being, living, and growing in the closet. Especially if it's to protect yourself. Your well-being always comes first!

 Discussion

I wanted this lesson to be an open discussion. So it won't be as research-heavy as the other lessons. As a Bi-sexual woman, I also had a stage in my life when I was closeted. For me, this came with various reasons, specifically 1,2,& 4 listed above. I grew up deep within the church, and my folks are devout Christians. So, I didn't have a support system that would have accepted this "lifestyle" as they called it. 

Eventually, I realized that I couldn't keep going through life never knowing if all of this was just bi-curiosity. College was my introduction to adulthood, as well as my sexual exploration. I had my first girlfriend in my second year of college; she was my first true love. By this time, my relationships with men have drastically soured due to rape and other undesirable experiences. Through our relationship, I felt genuine love. She saw me at my core self, accepted me for my nerdy personality, and made me feel treasured. She also helped me to heal during my sexual journey and I realized that sex can and is supposed to be pleasurable for all participating.

We were both closeted at this time and while I found the strength to eventually come out to my folks, her circumstances didn't allow the same without major consequences (like being homeless). Although I didn't face homelessness, it was constant turmoil between me and my parents for several years. We are on better footing now, but I realize that this is only tolerance and not full acceptance. I am also single right now, so I am aware there is still "hope" that a man will catch my eye first before another woman does. But at this time, I am happy to live my truth and love who I want to love. 

I share my story with you because I know many of you are not able to officially come out or be open with your true love. Many young men and women have suffered harsh faiths from coming out in our small Bahama Land. Some include brutal beatings from their family, death threats, murder, complete disownment/shunning, rape, and the list goes on. You are not alone! There are more of us here than you may know. There is no shame in staying in the closet until you are independent enough to be free, but until then, you can always come out to me 💜. 

I will always be a safe space for my gaybys and veterans alike. You can always leave a comment, or send me a message! I do understand that not many people feel comfortable leaving their email addresses, but if you do decide to, your privacy is held in the highest regard. My lips are sealed and I will only use it to respond back to you if you wish 😊.

What does it mean to 'Coming Out'?

Well, it means being open about your sexuality, and (or) gender identity with whomever you choose 💜. Coming out is a big step in anyone's life. It's being true to yourself and those around you with who you are and who you love. 

Also, it is understandable that this would be a very difficult decision to make if you do not have a welcoming and accepting support system. It is common in the Bahamas to hear individuals question the need for "those people" to display their "lifestyle". 

Comments like "If they didn't have to do all a that then I wouldn't of had a problem" or "I don't understand why they need ta celebrate anything, you don't see straight people doing all a this" or "That's why they ga all burn in hell!" or "keep that fagget mentality to ya-self" or "No family/friend of mine would EVA be apart of that foolishness" etc. are common sentiments that you may hear from time to time. 

Sadly, when violence, falls upon those who are Out of the closet, these comments continue with victim blaming ensues. The usual consensus is, if the victim didn't live that way then they would probably be alive, or they wouldn't have gotten raped/beaten, or seek asylum in a different country. 

To my out and proud veterans, newly out youngins, and those who are still growing in the closet, I am proud of all of you! You are seen, You are heard, You are not alone, You are worthy, and You are always deserving of respect, love, and dignity. To my fallen Bahamian LGBTQIA+ members, You are seen, You are heard, You are not alone, You are worthy, and You are always deserving of respect, love, and dignity. Most importantly, you are dearly missed.

Conclusion

I think today's lesson speaks for itself, but a word of advice to those who are on the outside of the spectrum, do not OUT those around you. You may not directly feel the consequences, but you may cost someone their life by doing so. The Bahamas is still in an era where hands & guns come before words, but we are in a new phase where suicide is not a farfetched solution for peace.  

Please take care of yourself, and Happy Pride Month to all 🌈!

Happy Learning & Happy Foreplay ;)

"Class Dismissed" - Mrs. Tease

References

Freepik. (2023). Freepik - Free Graphic resources for everyone. Freepik. https://www.freepik.com/